NORMALISING INTROVERSION

“LONER FOR LIFE!"

“BORING!”

“It got so awkward he did not utter a single word throughout the drive, kept staring out of the window the entire time”

“DPRESSED SOUL”

“I don’t get her attitude, don’t what she thinks of herself”

“would never come for outings, always cancels plans”

“I’m so over him, God knows why is he so lazy”

“ALWAYS SAD?”

“I don’t understand why he has to come to party and sit around like a depressed soul, does it every time ugh”

Ever had people make such comments about you ? It’s been like since forever that people who find it hard to open up are made to have a hard time in the world, even though life would still be fine even if one doesn’t wish to talk about random things constantly just for the sake of blending with the crowd. The world has been looking up to people with more extroverted personalities as they are seen someone who would take charge where as introverts on the other hand are constantly gaslighted and made to believe that they are someone who need to be fixed. This mentality makes us forget that some of the greatest people Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Emma Watson, Elon Musk, Rosa Parks, Beyonce just to name a few have admitted to have characteristics that epitomise introversion.

So if you had questions in your mind like

“why don’t I like going out and having fun with friends”

“why don’t I like talking much to people even though I’ve known them for years”

“How do I make you understand that just because I don’t say it out right does not mean I don’t care for you or love you any less”

“Ugh, I wanna sleep why can’t my mind just take a break from thinking hundred thousand thoughts jumping from one to another at a time”

“why do I enjoy silence more than loud music in clubs”

worrying you, let me tell you, you are different and unique and it’s okay to be that way because the amount of positives that come with being an introvert are definitely empowering. So now, just lay back and keep reading to get to know yourself better.

EXTROVERTEDLY INTROVERTED AND INTROVERTEDLY EXTROVERTED :

For years I’d come across posts and articles on social media talking about introverts, their psychology, the things they like and dislike. I would read those things to educate myself in the moment and scroll, just like most of us do. Since childhood I have been known to be a very out going kid. Talking to new people and making friends was never an issue thus qualifying me to be an extrovert by definition, but early in life I had stage fright too. I still remember poem recitation during my fourth grade assembly where I made a 7 line poem in to an essay by repeating almost every line twice in a shaky voice because I was choking and missing out words from every line and would have to repeat. Usually when we think of an extrovert we feel it’s normal for them to not to have stage fright, but I did. I am still as out going as I were, although over years I did overcome the stage fright but won’t lie, my knees still some times shiver walking up on the stage now but end up getting comfortable soon. In the same way I might be an introvert and thus would not be very delighted in having myself involved in group discussions or human interaction over long periods but I can be more confident and comfortable in addressing a crowd where in an extrovert might fail to do so. We often confuse being shy with being introvert.

WHO IS AN INTROVERT ?

Introvert is someone who prefers to stay reserved and keep social interaction as minimal as possible. Being in stimulating environments where they are required to interact constantly can make them feel emotionally and mentally drained. They prefer being by themselves, although this does not mean that introverts lack social or interpersonal skills.

Eleanor Roosevelt definitely justifies this. Many biographers define her as a socially withdrawn person but as she progressed into her professional and public career she never failed from her duties, delivering over 348 press conferences as First Lady, delivered multiple lectures as an activist and a teacher.

Introverts prefer to enjoy their thoughts in solitude, they certainly do have friends, but they like keeping the circle small. They sometimes might take longer to open up even if they’ve known you for a brief amount of time, because in some cases they are so okay and happy with their own company they don’t find it necessary to have someone all the time to talk to or to share things with. But do not let this trait of your less talkative friend make you think that introverts would be a boring company to hangout with. When it comes to one on one basis they are one of the most knowledgeable and adventurous people to hangout with as they spend a lot of time with their thoughts reflecting on things internally and observing everything and everyone around.

HOW TO COMFORT AN INTROVERT ?

Sometimes it might get difficult to handle them, as in my personal case I could never process the idea of being home by myself and miss out on hangouts or parties. For people like me who do fine with prolonged periods of social exposure, the times when we friends would make plans and that one particular person would drop out giving us similar reasons over and over again, I kind of would get upset or mad about it. But it took me some time, effort in researching and reading to actually understand that for some people it’s the other way around and that’s okay too. It’s okay to not to like going out, it’s okay to cancel out on plans, it’s not necessary to be socially active all the time.

Being a close friend how can you cope with such situations is never forget to inform and ask them to join you in the plan, definitely insist them to join you but do not force, because at the end of the day as much as you crave the feeling of being wanted they do too but they need space too. Also, because introverts keep the circle small and you are certainly one of the very few people they are close to thus you and your actions matter a lot to them. Try making plans where they would be into less stimulating surroundings or quiter places.

HAVE AN INTROVERTED PARTNER ?

As a partner, if you feel your better half stands true for everything that I’ve talked about above, let me tell you, you are definitely into one of the most secure relationships because he/she might take longer to open up but the amount of commitment and devotion they have is phenomenal because it takes time for them to actually put their walls down for someone and fall in love. This is because they are very comfortable with themselves or sometimes even scared of letting someone into their lives, but when they do, they definitely go all in. As an extrovert like me, sometimes we fail to realise these little things which are actually normal for us on a daily basis but for them it might seem like a struggle. So make sure to acknowledge them for their efforts and never shy off from being the initiator when it comes to having a conversation. Introverts are great listeners so if you’re someone who likes to talk, well you know you’re already lucky, but do not fail to “ask" because they usually tend to bottle up their feelings. So sometimes it can definitely become a patience test for you, but do not worry it will be worth it. Mental support is a very important factor to nurture such relationships as when they have a million thoughts uncontrollably running in their minds it can get tough for them to actually be mentally available for you. In such situations help them by making them understand that it’s okay and you’re here for them. Even if you’ve been together for a very long time you sometimes would see your partner asking you to maybe let them have some time by themselves, let them have their space, because this is the time when they recharge themselves and reflect. Taking time to meditate and reflect is a great practise, I learnt this from someone very close to me, and practising this on a regular basis has been very helpful for me to analyse and realise a lot about life.

I feel none of us is completely an introvert or completely an extrovert, it varies with people and circumstances that which side of ours comes out more prominent. The thing that really should matter is, you can be however you want to be and that’s okay until and unless that’s truly not hurting someone else out there, because at the end of the day we all want to feel loved and wanted by the person we love and care for. Communication is definitely the key and it is true that different people express differently. Take time to figure out which medium of expression fits the best for you and practise it to communicate with your people.